100 THINGS ABOUT ME

  1. I like chocolate;
  2. I prefer it dark though;
  3. I like bacon;
  4. I make paper mâché fish – it’s my thing;
  5. When I met Leo, my husband, it took me all but 2 seconds to know I’d found THE GUY, THE ONE;
  6. I’m probably the sanest crazy person you’ll ever get to know;
  7. When I wash the dishes I pretend I’m giving my hands a bubble bath, hence why I love washing the dishes;
  8. I fold bed sheets like nobody else and I like to pretend I’m in a bed sheet folding contest and I kick Martha Stewart’s ass every single time;
  9. I’m 40-something going on 15 and I’ll never know what I’ll be when I grow up;
  10. I like bacon (have I mentioned that?)
  11. I love peanut butter;
  12. Sometimes I prefer Nutella;
  13. I may or may not be guilty of secretly believing I have a certain amount of awesomeness hidden somewhere behind my low self-esteem;
  14. I walk with my feet spread out like a duck;
  15. When I was a kid I thought being a garbage-man would be the best job ever;
  16. Growing up I firmly believed everybody was bilingual;
  17. I was a professional race car (sprint cars) mechanic for 5 years;
  18. Thanks to Tony Stewart, I have but one degree of separation from President Obama;
  19. I am a fan of Howard Stern;
  20. Thanks to Bubba the Love Sponge, I have but one degree of separation from Howard too;
  21. I’m still seeking the perfect team for me;
  22. Sometimes I wonder what I’ll be when I grow up;
  23. When I lost my racing job (I should say “we” because we both lost our jobs at the same time) we moved to San Diego, bought a boat, and moved on it because it was the cheapest lifestyle we could figure out at that point;
  24. I recently picked up a new sport – paddleboarding;
  25. I also kinda picked up a new thing – yoga – and since I like a good challenge most moves I’m doing for the first time ever are on my board, and I often fall in the water;
  26. I haven’t been to roller derby in over 5 months, I miss it so much sometimes I consider ending this awesome sailing trip for it;
  27. The day I returned to derby happened to be a test day for passing out level 1 (I was gone so long I had to start all over again) and on that first day I instantly became a level 2 bootcamper;
  28. I own the perfect pillow: when I put my head on it, it’s like laying on a fluffy white cloud;
  29. I believe spaghetti sauce needs to be made with Italian sausage and not ground beef;
  30. I would be a vegetarian if I didn’t have to give up Italian sausage, and lamb, although I haven’t eaten it in forever my heart goes out to lamb chops (if my heart went out to the lambs instead of their chops, then I would most likely become a vegetarian);
  31. Other than a cell phone, I don’t have any bills whatsoever;
  32. I DON’T HAVE ANY BILLS WHATSOEVER! It’s like I live for free
  33. I haven’t given up my quest to be liked by everybody, wish I could, but its in the works;
  34. I miss my dad;
  35. I was daddy’s little girl;
  36. I will never be ready for saying goodbye to my mom;
  37. I will never be rid of the layer of fat surrounding my stomach;
  38. I love blogging because it puts my crazies in the spotlight, and that is what makes a blogger so utterly fun to read;
  39. Growing up I was not only LAST picked for sports, but was bargained for better players (if we take Marie, we need Bob and Joe);
  40. I tell people my name is Maria, it’s a Mexican thing;
  41. Just about nothing in the world makes me feel better than conquering a fear, since I have numerous fears I get to feel good about myself almost daily;
  42. I love Labello lip care products, when I travel in foreign countries I find them with different names. When I buy them I always say its for my future Labello museum;
  43. That was until I discovered Burt’s Bees: I’m hooked! I love how it feels tingly on my lips as if it’s actively healing my lips from the sun (Just don’t you go and tell Burt about my new Labello mango flavored gloss I found near Puerto Vallarta);
  44. My eyes are green but some love to argue with me that they’re blue;
  45. I have a big nose, either that or my head is too small;
  46. I say all the wrong things at the worst of times;
  47. I am socially awkward;
  48. I cannot for the life of me walk and fart simultaneously;
  49. I sleep best in horrible weather and rocky waters;
  50. Quesadilla: I say it because it’s fun;
  51. I taught myself to ride a unicycle – it was the only way I could find to break years of being horrible at sports;
  52. That wasn’t enough, I then taught myself to juggle;
  53. I’ve had a wild dog sled ride in Nunavut in a 50 below ice blizzard;
  54. I’ve been to the South of France twice to make wine and harvest the grapes;
  55. I had a serious liver attack during my first trip to France;
  56. I’ve been to every single state including Alaska and Hawaii;
  57. I once performed a solo tour of Canada to promote a youth magazine, I was gone for 6 weeks;
  58. I believe music can instantly change my mood for the better, just like that;
  59. I secretly do believe in fairy tales;
  60. I will play a round of solitaire just to see if luck is on my side;
  61. Sometimes I think I may be a psychic;
  62. I have a stuffed dolphin on my bed, Leo and I call him Dolphy;
  63. You probable know this one already but my lifelong dream of being a Cirque du Soleil clown was something I found extremely challenging to let go of;
  64. My toe nails are so thin they rip off way too easily;
  65. One time in band camp;
  66. I once had a boss who was so hard on me, always making me feel incompetent I took another better job and he was forced to hire 3 people to replace me – karma can be sweet;
  67. Nothing beats the feeling of a paddle board ride with my iPod, thank god for great gadgets;
  68. I wish I had a dog;
  69. I honestly believe I am playing my part to make the world a better place;
  70. Whenever a recipe calls for vanilla (which I never have) I use spiced rum instead. You should taste my pancakes;
  71. I hate talking on the phone;
  72. It took me over 46 years to say these three words and to truly believe them: I am pretty;
  73. I love chocolate cake but absolutely hate that grease based icing stuff;
  74. I never liked my name – Marie – which is why I love calling myself Maria;
  75. I’ll never understand why people pronounce the word wash “warsh” there is no r in wash;
  76. I’m baffled by the fact Americans ever so rarely say “You’re welcome” or “My pleasure!” after you thank them, 99.9% of the time they utter “Yup” or “Uh-hunh” but nobody ever agrees with me when I tell them this fact, just you wait and see then you’ll come back here and agree with me;
  77. I wish I knew how many years I had left so I could plan my financials better, imagine knowing the fatal when and how it would affect your working years?
  78. Have I mentioned how I cannot walk and fart at the same time? If I have, then repeating it stresses its importance;
  79. Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain (aka AMELIE) is my most favorite movie ever;
  80. I am a fan of Quentin Tarantino;
  81. I would never be able to tell you which is my favorite author;
  82. It saddens me that most of my thinking is no longer in French;
  83. I can speak Spanish, but I can’t really understand it;
  84. I cherish my guilty pleasures: pop tarts, playing Sudoku on my iPod, eating soft serve ice cream although I am lactose intolerant, and hot dogs;
  85. Fart and poop jokes make me laugh;
  86. Seeing somebody throw up will most likely make me throw up: I’m a sympathetic vomiter;
  87. I care;
  88. Too much;
  89. I may know The Big Lebowski entirely by heart, I’ve seen it that often;
  90. People who carry dogs in purses should be followed by psychiatrists;
  91. I’m afraid of everything, or almost;
  92. I have an utmost fear of authority;
  93. I believed him when he told me everything would be fine after saying “Put your fingers here, and hold the wire there”, the scars are finally gone;
  94. In grade school I was always the first to finish in-class assignments;
  95. I don’t understand it when people choose to dislike me;
  96. Years ago I was always compared to Meg Ryan, that no longer happens;
  97. The last time I was I.D.’ed in a bar was at the age of 46;
  98. I’m a dreamer, hopeless dreamer;
  99. When I meet people, I instantly see their qualities before their flaws, sometimes this ends up hurting me;
  100. I am so happy you read this, I wrote it just for you!

When I grow up I will run away and join the circus…

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