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Fearless? Me? Ha!

I’m afraid of… 

Tearing down shelves at our secret derby house

♒ losing all my hair.
♒ being totally annoying to other people.
♒ getting old – and hurting. Everywhere.
♒ losing my mind by forgetting one word at a time.
♒ that I may be the one we all refer to as “stupid”.
♒ being forgotten.
♒ dying a slow painful death.
♒ evil people.
♒ not finding a job I love.
♒ that I’ll never be good enough.
♒ bees.
♒ being bitten in dark spots when I sleep at night.
♒ bed bugs.
♒ power tools.
♒ doing something wrong that’ll make my boat sink.
♒ my computer dying on me.
♒ rejection.
♒ becoming homeless.
♒ not being liked.
♒ wasting my life away.
♒ missing out.
♒ really smart people.
♒ not dying after going through something unbearably horrendous.
♒ making poor choices.
♒ failure.
♒ being a bad friend, daughter, sister, aunt (notice I didn’t say wife, I know I’m an awesome wife and that Leo is by far the luckiest guy I know).
♒ chasing a dream I cherish because having the dream is better than failing at the dream, and it’s stupid. I know.

Everybody has fears including those who appear as brave as a movie hero facing overwhelming demons. It’s not IF we have fears, but WHAT we choose to do with them. I don’t have enough fingers to count the days where I wished I could hide under my bed (if I had a bed) and assume the fetus position sucking my thumb. Not that I would actually do that. But…

It’s how we choose to face our fears and force them into submission (sorry, don’t know where this Ultimate Fight talk is coming from). If you’ve conquered a fear and looked back with a smile – pat yourself on the back. Better yet, write your own fearless story where you looked at your demon and punched it in the nose. Let me know when you post it so I can come over and read it, I’d love to hear about your conquest.

_______________
This is a Studio 30 Plus writing prompt based on “What are you afraid of?” For some reason I am perceived as a fearless and brave woman. Yet, when I think of myself I see a 5-yr old who was afraid of her own shadow.

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20 thoughts on “Fearless? Me? Ha!”

  1. Ooh! This new design freaked me out, but it doesn’t take much to confuse me. Anyway, good list. I think we all have a laundry list of things that kind of scare us. If we didn’t, that wouldn’t be normal and we would last five seconds after walking into rush hour traffic or something. The key is to not let the fear rule your life, to recognize and honor it while busting straight through (if you so choose, of course.) I do see you as not fearless, but as adventurous and one who seeks to experience life. You intimidate me just a bit ;)

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  2. Ironically enough, Charlotte and I had an interesting conversation in this same vein last night. The agreement we came to is that we all owe it to ourselves to create a space in which what we do and who are is not only enough, but is acceptable, is good, is positive, is worthy, is celebrated, is balanced, is healthy. We focus so on our fears, on our negatives, on our shortcomings, and we rely on the world around us to set standards, which we inevitably don’t meet because they are unrealistic. Some fears make total sense. Everyone should fear bed bugs. But not being good enough? I bet if you asked every person who loves you, they’d say you’re not just good enough, you’re great.

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    1. Oddly though, I’ve always been perceived this way even years before I moved on the boat. My older sisters have (I think) always seen me as the courageous one. Friends even told me how they assumed I never needed any kind of help because of this image they had of me. I then started the exercise of regularly letting them know of my fears and weaknesses…

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  3. being bitten in dark spots while i sleep at night…does that mean what i think it means?

    smiles…dont worry we are all afraid of something….and i really doubt you will be forgotten…

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  4. I talked to my mom for an hour or so just now. Apparently, I am afraid of talking about things I am afraid of. Which is why I blog about them. In real life, I pretend they don’t exist. It makes me seem cold and standoffish. I’m really not. It’s just been a bad week.

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  5. I love this post, I normally keep my fears locked up tight away. They are bigger and stronger than me. Reading this, they assaulted me en masse, even now as I write this, my heart is racing irrationally and my palms are sticky with sweat.

    I am irrationally afraid of living with regret, so much that I often am imobilized, unable to make a decision. Then go on to regret that I didn’t act when I had the chance. Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier.

    I am afraid of being bitten by unseelies in the dark. I believe in the Fae, and fear that itself is crazy.
    I fear going insane. Loosing all touch with reality.
    I am afraid to die and fixated on it at the same time, afraid my girls will grow up with out me. Afraid that I wouldn’t be missed. And still I am afraid to own my life and live it.

    And I too am afraid that wanting the dream is better that achieving it.

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      1. I HATE typos. I hate leaving a comment somewhere and noticing after submitting that there’s a mistake and it cannot be undone or edited. Not that I’m queen of grammar, which I am totally and absolutely not, but hate mistakes that jump off the screen and stab your eyes.

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    1. Sorry I made you feel like you were sky diving into your fears. I too fear I am going insane. I forgot that one. Thanks for reminding me. The fear of insanity is huge, especially when I heard yesterday in a news report that people who spend a lot of time on their computers/internet are at a bigger risk of going crazy. Eeeeeks!

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  6. I have always had a ridiculously large number of fears but losing my husband wasn’t one of them…until it happened. Now I am afraid I will let down my children by being unable to just keep going. “Fake it ’til you make it” seems to be my mantra these days.

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    1. Ouch. I always am afraid of losing my husband, maybe because I’ve had such rotten luck in love so I never take it for granted and am all but too fully aware that there is no such thing as forever, wether because love dies or he does… I always tell him how I hope to die before he does, because living without him would be unbearable. I have a feeling though that you will not let your children down. I have total faith in you.

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  7. I am scared of bees too. Scared of somehow losing my family. Terrified of the electricity bill.
    I love this post. We all have fears, it really is all about how we deal with them that says the most about us

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